Excerpt: What Bobbie Was Like as a Friend
Throughout the interviews people used words like “caring,” “loving,” and “kind” to describe Bobbie. Bill described it as, “I think Bobbie is one of those people where, when you really feel somebody's warmth and love, you can be happy just being in the same room, you don't necessarily need to talk, the TV doesn't have to be on, and you know, there's just a feeling of comfort, and that was kind of Bobbie.” Other words that frequently came up were “thoughtful” and “empathic.” One way that Bobbie liked to demonstrate her connection and understanding of another person was to buy her or him a present. Once she had found the exact right thing, she wasn't finished: the wrapping and presentation were also part of the gift. Her co-workers remembered:
Xhilda: We would agree that we wouldn't exchange gifts this year ... but she'd still give us gifts, you know, [all laugh] like, we would agree no exchanging, and...
Margie: And then she comes up with all these beautiful gifts all nicely wrapped. And I think they were personalized according to each person's personality.
Meg: Well, up until recently, I was still using the wallet she had brought back for me from one of your trips.
Tom: Oh, really?
Meg: I switched to this little purse, and it doesn't fit in there, but yeah. I have another little container that she had brought back for me from another trip where I had watched the cats.
Jaimie: I have a little, I don't know what it is, it's from Washington [state], when you went on a trip to Washington, and she brought back a little glass and it was like the volcanic ash or something, piece of glass, and it had a little swirl in it, and it's that purple thing that sits on my desk. And she had brought that back for me, and now it sits on my desk every-, and everybody goes, “Oh, how nice,” I go, “Yeah, that came from Bobbie,” [all laugh], so it sits on my desk.
Besides the gifts she would get her co-workers when they did her a favor or at Christmas, during busy times at the firm she would buy a rose for everyone working in administration to help keep their spirits up. She loaned not only books to her co-worker Jaimie who had just moved and whose books were still in storage, but also the bookshelf to store the books on.
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Her sensitivity and empathy especially extended to animals. Tom remembered in an interview with Joan that, “I would joke with her that we could watch a movie, and let's say it's a Western and ten people just got shot and killed, and it wouldn't bother her, but the horse that fell over [all laugh] she would start crying, or the dog that got hurt.” Patty noted that “every time she would touch a cat or an animal or something, there was definitely healing about it.”
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Many people noted Bobbie's unique sense of humor. Charlie described it as, “a very dry sense of humor; she would laugh at things that you really shouldn't laugh at. It's like, well, what does she think, what's so funny about this? But she laughed and I didn't, so I thought, 'Wow, that's interesting.'” Bobbie could also be silly; Rick recalled that she would sing along with the soundtrack when they watched movies or TV together....
Bobbie also demonstrated a sense of humor at the workplace. At the memorial service, Paul, a retired partner at the firm, recalled this exchange:
One day when I was walking by her desk I caught a fragrance, and I thought, “I know that fragrance.” And I walked over to her desk, and I said, “I think I know that fragrance, what perfume is that?” She had this little grin on her face, and she said, “It's not perfume, it's a man's cologne; I just like it.” [laughter] It was Obsession for Men. [laughter] I don't know if she was telling me something there or not. [laughter]
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Interviewees usually remembered their own special connection with Bobbie. For Bill, this was their discussions on religion and fantasy books. For Susie, it was being the only other woman, along with Bobbie, at social functions in a group of eight or nine men. For Joe, Bobbie's across-the-street neighbor who is prone to wearing kimonos, it was something a little more mundane:
Joe: But I have to admit, I'm the only one that got a private ring on her cell phone. [all laugh]
Tom: I did not have my own ring.
Kimberly: Really? [all laugh]
Joe: Only I had my own ring. [all laugh] I had the only separate ring, it was my own private ring. No one else had a private ring tone, except me.... But it tickled me. I said, “Doesn't Tom have his own private ring tone?” “No, only you.” “Well, damn, I am special.” [all laugh]
